As told to the internet by Stevie Hawker. Esq:

I’m in the army and we’re at war but i’m just a kid. All my comrades around me are kids but we seem very well organised and know what we’re doing.

It becomes clear that that the enemy were also kids. A rival gang from a different school maybe, I can’t tell. The two lines of child soldiers dug into trenches separated by a no mans land reminiscent of the Somme from the Great War. The orders are given to fire and both sides start shelling, bombing and machine gunning…

The weird thing is that whenever any gun or mortar is fired all it does is launch a harmless firework into sky. The battle turns into a massive display across the stratosphere and everyone is going ‘OOOOOOOhhhhhhhhh’ and ‘AAAHHHHHH.’

Why were we fighting? Not really sure but I think it was time to go home for tea.

The end.